Still On The Journey...

"Your trip may be over, but a new journey has begun.

In fact, the second journey may be one of the primary reasons

why God called you to go on the first one."

~ Tim Dearborn ~

I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written

in your book before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand

—when I awake, I am still with you. ~Psalm 139:14-18 ~

When I contemplate the quote above along with these truths from God's Word, I am reminded of God's sovereign guidance in my life and His awesome love for me, and those two things are the most important to remember in all the choices, struggles and decisions of life.

I believe that I have struggled with this because I tend to focus on achieving the goal, and I don't always recognize what's taking place on the way to get there. During my 9 months of intensive language study, this was one of the biggest realizations - and it's one of those lessons that I will continue to learn because it applies to ALL areas of life. When I started studying Russian, I often wanted to be able to understand now and my teacher continually reminded me that the comprehension would come as I progressed step by step. I had to learn to rejoice in the process - no matter how slow it seemed - and to recognize what I was learning in the moment instead of looking ahead to what I though was most important.

Since coming back to Canada, I have realized that being able to adequately answer the "why" questions is not the most important thing; rather, it is to be able to identify what God has been and is still teaching me on this journey of following Him.

I started this blog sometime in the summer of 2014, a few months after returning home to Canada, and I did not finish it at that time. In the many months since, God has continually been showing me truths about Him and about myself and has been changing me from the inside out in various ways.

I want to share with you the life-transforming lessons I have been learning on my journey of knowing, loving and following my Lord, but they are too many for just one blog post.

So... I will be writing several entries over the next little while, and I hope that what I share from my heart will be an encouragement and maybe even a challenge for you as well.

Struggle and Rest

You may be asking why I put two opposing words together in the title -- it's because they are both necessary to the Christian journey and they often go hand-in-hand.

For the last several weeks, I've been struggling with questions about purpose and feelings of not being useful or needed, particularly in regard to the ministry I'm currently involved in. It's been on my mind constantly, and I've been praying much about it, but for the majority of the time, I've been praying that God would give me what I felt I needed most.

I shared this with a few people I trust and asked them to pray for me also, especially as I waited for an opportunity to discuss this and consider what the best resolution is.

As I've been waiting and praying and reading God's Word, I've noticed the tone of my attitude changing from "please make it easier for me" to "give me the peace to accept Your will for me."

I meet via Skype with my parents and several other couples and individuals for a Bible study every Thursday morning (Wednesday evening in BC, Canada), and we are studying the book of Hebrews. Last week, the theme of the study was "rest," and that really spoke to me. I want to share with you a few of the insights I gleaned from that:

• There are different kinds of rest - there's physical rest, mental/emotional rest and spiritual rest - and we need these different kinds of rest in our lives. In a symphony, all the instruments don't play all the time. The rests are intended to accentuate the music, and similarly, the periods of rest in our lives are necessary to fully appreciate the rest of what we do.

• The Sabbath rest is a picture of our rest in Christ at salvation - the work of salvation is complete and there is nothing we need to do in regard to that. The Canaan rest (the rest that God had promised to His people) is a rest of claiming our inheritance in Christ - a rest of submission. Submission is a process - we don't give up everything at once; we may be able to rest in one context, and then in another way later on.

• Hebrews 4:11 says that to enter that "rest of submission", we need to give due diligence/make every effort/do our best. We need to work hard at giving things up to God, and we must give it our best effort.

• Hebrews 4:12 describes the Word of God and the picture of separating soul and spirit is important - God is the only One who can separate us from the things we want to hold onto and what we struggle with. The soul - our will and emotions - is what needs sanctifying. It's important to remember that while it may be painful, we are NOT being separated from God or His love, but rather from the things that hold us back from truly "resting" in Him.

Therefore, today when I had my ministry evaluation meeting and it was communicated to me that this time is intended to be a time of learning and that I don't need to strive so hard to "do something in order to feel useful," my heart had been softened to the point that I was able to submit to his leadership and accept his advice for me.

In the devotional from Joni Eareckson Tada today, I read these words:
Everyone enjoys the idea that God's plans for His children are to prosper them and not harm them, to give hope and a future, bright with possibilities. Yet God gave this invigorating and encouraging promise (Jeremiah 29:11) to inspire the captives. They were not to lose heart. One day, the Lord would deliver them and bring the nation back to Jerusalem. Despite the heartbreak of captivity, God's purpose was not to harm His people. Yes, they would feel the sting of slavery and hardship, but it ultimately meant a prosperous future.

God's purpose for our lives is usually discovered through the process of struggle and surrendering our will and desires to Him. And when we do, we discover incredible peace and rest in Him. One of my new favourite songs by Tenth Avenue North illustrates this when it says:

Hallelujah, we are free to struggle. We're not struggling to be free. Your [Christ's] blood bought and makes us children - children, drop your chains and sing!

So even though I will still struggle sometimes, I can be at rest in God.