This blog post has been a draft for about a month now.
I knew that I needed to write it, but I needed to experience a few more situations first...and now I'm ready. Sometimes putting my feelings and thoughts into words gives me courage for the challenges ahead, so here goes:
Living here in Ukraine and trying to adapt to the culture and the challenges of studying seems to bring out both the best and the worst in me, and that's a good thing, although it doesn't always feel like it. When God in His grace redeemed me and called me to Himself, He began a process called "sanctification."
Sometimes I forget this, and then my Heavenly Father lovingly chastens me and reminds me that the goal is to change and transform me to be more like His Son, Jesus Christ. There are times along the way when I may receive unexpected encouragement or glimpses of the miraculous changes that He is bringing about, but it is important to remember - especially when it's hard - that He will complete the work He started in me because it is all about Him.
"being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ..." (Philippians 1:6)
EXPECTATIONS -- sometimes we realize that we have them, and sometimes we don't.
In both cases, there is often disappointment and hurt and a wide range of emotions. But there is also great opportunity for grace. I think probably one of the hardest aspects of understanding expectations is acknowledging that some of them are not important and truly desiring to change the way I respond to circumstances. I will never be free of expectations in this life, but I am so thankful that in His mercy God understands my weakness.
LETTING GO -- once I have honestly faced my expectations I must move to the next step -
learning to release my grasp on them and the emotions attached to them. This is really a shift in perspective, because in order to let go I have to be willing to change. Too often I find myself thinking,
"Why is this so hard? Why can't I just do it the way I want to or have done it for so long?" This is stinking pride -- the root of it is that I want to feel knowledgeable or important or that I have been able to achieve something, and so instead of being willing to learn from others and looking for the positives, I gripe and complain about how difficult it is to change.
"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God; for if righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died in vain.” (Galatians 2:20-21)
Were it not for this truth, for the reality that Christ lives in me and is working in me, it would feel hopeless. But I can press on because I know that this is true.
TRUST -- it is a daily challenge to trust that God's plan truly is the best and to translate that into how I build relationships and respond to circumstances that come my way.
I have to trust that there is a reason, even if I cannot see it now and I must trust that if my heart is truly willing, my Father will enable me to do what feels impossible to me at the moment.
These insights have come out of my experiences in learning to live in close quarters with people I don't know who think and act differently than I do, and in studying a language and culture that is in many ways foreign to me.
I want to relate to the people in my life and to build relationships with them, and in order to do that I have to be willing to develop new ways of thinking and acting, but the old ways must go first.
I appreciate your prayers and encouragement on this journey -- God is at work and I want to joyfully accept what He brings into my life and allow Him to transform me into the person I need to be.
I am in the service of the King and He must be Lord of all.
