All Through The Night

Normally when my head hits the pillow, I'm asleep for the night. It's rare that anything - even my often crazy dreams - interrupts my sleep. But early this morning, that's exactly what happened, and I knew the instant I awoke that something was not right.

Thankfully, I can't remember most of the nightmare - a few things still remain in my memory - but suffice to say that I awoke suddenly at about 3:00 am with my heart pounding heavily and a palpable sense of fear surrounding me. Although my eyes opened immediately and, although I could somewhat see my surroundings and I knew I was in my bed, it still felt a little like I was in the dream.

I knew I couldn't just go back to sleep - if I closed my eyes, I would be right back in the middle of it. So I just started quietly singing - with a quivering voice - the first worship song that came to mind. "Jesus, all for Jesus, all I am and have and ever hope to be..." By the time I had sung through the song, I had calmed a little but my heart was still pounding.

I continued singing, songs that focused on the name of Jesus, because I know that just saying His name has a powerful impact in these kind of situations. Once my heart was beating normally again, I began to pray aloud. I claimed the truth that God's Holy Spirit lives within me and was present right there in the room with me, and I thanked God for His strength, sovereignty, power, omniscience, and anything else I could think of. I prayed for protection over friends and family and asked for a covering of peace over me so that I could rest easily until it was time for me to get up. I read Psalm 121 in both English and Russian and sang quietly, "I lift my eyes up...to the mountains, where does my help come from? My help comes from You, Maker of heaven, Creator of the earth..."

Finally, it felt like the darkness and oppression I had experienced in the dream had lifted and I could no longer keep my eyes open, so I prayed for God to watch over my mind and then I rolled over and immediately went back to sleep. I think I had probably been awake for about 40 minutes.

Praise the Lord, I slept peacefully until I got out of bed about 4 hours later! I don't even remember what thoughts went through my mind or if I dreamed anything after that point. But I was very conscious of the sweet, comforting presence of my Lord surrounding me. It was almost as though His arms were literally holding me as I slept.

I believe that what happened in the wee hours of this morning was a spiritual attack of the enemy. I don't know why or what precipitated it - but I could clearly sense a spirit of darkness in the dream and in the moments after I awoke. And I battled it as best I could with the power of prayer, worship and God's Word.

Ephesians 6:11-12 says this: "Put on all the armor that God gives you, so that you will be able to stand up against the devil's evil tricks. For we are not fighting against human beings but against the wicked spiritual forces in this world; the rulers, authorities and cosmic powers of this dark age."

We know that our enemy will attack - but we often don't know when or how. So we must have our armor at the ready. The Spirit of God within me helped me to recognize what was really going on and I am so thankful for all the songs and Scripture I have memorized so that I did not have to think hard about where to begin to combat the darkness that was surrounding me.

Jesus Christ has won the victory over our enemy and through His blood and by the power of the Holy Spirit, we can win every spiritual battle. I hate to have my sleep interrupted, but I am thankful that I woke up when I did and was able to find peace for my spirit again.

My closing thought is a remembrance of a little song my mom used to sing to us at bedtime when we were children - especially when we had trouble sleeping:

Jesus is with me all through the night,

Stays close beside me all through the night;

So I sleep safely till morning light;

Jesus is with me all through the night.

ADVENT MEDITATIONS - Part 3

DEC. 5 - FOCUS (Фокус)
Today's meditation focused on how the reason for Jesus' coming to earth impacted the way that He came. God in His sovereignty *could have* orchestrated the events of Jesus' birth differently, but that would have changed the course of everything. There was a specific plan for Jesus to fulfill on earth and a specific way for that to happen. Jesus was focused on fulfilling the Father's will.

 I chose to memorize Matthew 20:27-28 -- "And whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave, just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many."

Dying on the cross, giving His life as a ransom for sinful people whom He loved -- this was the reason Jesus came. And He followed the path that God His Father had laid out for Him to accomplish this purpose, no matter how difficult it was. In the same way that Jesus did, I must be focused on the goal that God has for my life -- to be transformed to the image of His Son -- and recognize that every step along the way has been ordained by my loving heavenly Father to accomplish that goal.

DEC. 6 - PEACE (Мир)
Today's meditation was about peace. One of the most oft-quoted verses at Christmastime is the proclamation of the angels: "Glory to God in the highest and on earth, peace among those with whom He is pleased." The last part of this verse is the important part.

I chose these verses for today. Romans 5:1-2 -- "Since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God."

The only way to truly know God's peace is by being reconciled to Him through faith in Jesus Christ. Jesus came to make this peace available to us -- and that's what we celebrate at Christmas.

DEC. 7 - ONE MESSIAH (Одна Миссия)
The theme of today's meditation was how Jesus is a Messiah for everyone. The salvation provided through Jesus' death on the cross is available to everyone - no matter what nationality, what family history, what life challenges - to everyone who believes in Him.

I chose the words of Simeon in Luke 2:30-32 -- "For my eyes have seen Your salvation, which You prepared in the presence of all peoples, a 'Light of revelation to the Gentiles,' and the glory of Your people Israel."

We also must recognize that the birth of Christ was the revelation of God's salvation plan for ALL people, and we must continue to proclaim this truth to a world that is in need of the one and only Messiah who can save them from their sins.

Struggle and Rest

You may be asking why I put two opposing words together in the title -- it's because they are both necessary to the Christian journey and they often go hand-in-hand.

For the last several weeks, I've been struggling with questions about purpose and feelings of not being useful or needed, particularly in regard to the ministry I'm currently involved in. It's been on my mind constantly, and I've been praying much about it, but for the majority of the time, I've been praying that God would give me what I felt I needed most.

I shared this with a few people I trust and asked them to pray for me also, especially as I waited for an opportunity to discuss this and consider what the best resolution is.

As I've been waiting and praying and reading God's Word, I've noticed the tone of my attitude changing from "please make it easier for me" to "give me the peace to accept Your will for me."

I meet via Skype with my parents and several other couples and individuals for a Bible study every Thursday morning (Wednesday evening in BC, Canada), and we are studying the book of Hebrews. Last week, the theme of the study was "rest," and that really spoke to me. I want to share with you a few of the insights I gleaned from that:

• There are different kinds of rest - there's physical rest, mental/emotional rest and spiritual rest - and we need these different kinds of rest in our lives. In a symphony, all the instruments don't play all the time. The rests are intended to accentuate the music, and similarly, the periods of rest in our lives are necessary to fully appreciate the rest of what we do.

• The Sabbath rest is a picture of our rest in Christ at salvation - the work of salvation is complete and there is nothing we need to do in regard to that. The Canaan rest (the rest that God had promised to His people) is a rest of claiming our inheritance in Christ - a rest of submission. Submission is a process - we don't give up everything at once; we may be able to rest in one context, and then in another way later on.

• Hebrews 4:11 says that to enter that "rest of submission", we need to give due diligence/make every effort/do our best. We need to work hard at giving things up to God, and we must give it our best effort.

• Hebrews 4:12 describes the Word of God and the picture of separating soul and spirit is important - God is the only One who can separate us from the things we want to hold onto and what we struggle with. The soul - our will and emotions - is what needs sanctifying. It's important to remember that while it may be painful, we are NOT being separated from God or His love, but rather from the things that hold us back from truly "resting" in Him.

Therefore, today when I had my ministry evaluation meeting and it was communicated to me that this time is intended to be a time of learning and that I don't need to strive so hard to "do something in order to feel useful," my heart had been softened to the point that I was able to submit to his leadership and accept his advice for me.

In the devotional from Joni Eareckson Tada today, I read these words:
Everyone enjoys the idea that God's plans for His children are to prosper them and not harm them, to give hope and a future, bright with possibilities. Yet God gave this invigorating and encouraging promise (Jeremiah 29:11) to inspire the captives. They were not to lose heart. One day, the Lord would deliver them and bring the nation back to Jerusalem. Despite the heartbreak of captivity, God's purpose was not to harm His people. Yes, they would feel the sting of slavery and hardship, but it ultimately meant a prosperous future.

God's purpose for our lives is usually discovered through the process of struggle and surrendering our will and desires to Him. And when we do, we discover incredible peace and rest in Him. One of my new favourite songs by Tenth Avenue North illustrates this when it says:

Hallelujah, we are free to struggle. We're not struggling to be free. Your [Christ's] blood bought and makes us children - children, drop your chains and sing!

So even though I will still struggle sometimes, I can be at rest in God.

CELEBRATING ADVENT: Peace

PROCLAMATION

Beginning in Genesis, and through to Revelation,

The Bible is one incredible proclamation.
Messengers don't need great power or even to be well-known; 
They simply have to share the truth they've been shown.
If we will proclaim God's true message of peace,
He will touch people's hearts and cause faith to increase.
 ~ Darlene Koop, Dec. 24-2012 ~

"Therefore My people shall know My name; therefore they shall know in that day that I am He who speaks: 'Behold, it is I.' How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who proclaims peace, who brings glad tidings of good things, who proclaims salvation, to Zion who says to Zion, 'Your God reigns!' " ~ Isaiah 52:6-7 ~

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, because the Lord has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord...that He may be glorified." ~ Isaiah 61:1-2a, 3b ~

There are all kinds of proclamations made in our world today, and especially during holidays like Christmas...but it may not necessarily be the truth that is proclaimed.

At Christmas we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, but in essence, we are celebrating more than just that one glorious event -- we are celebrating Him and the reason WHY He came to earth as a baby, as a human. Yet that truth is not universally proclaimed and it is often tagged on at the end of the rest of the activities that we seem to think are so important.

I am thankful for my family, for the abundant blessings God has given me, and for all the things that make Christmas such a special time -- beautiful songs that proclaim His truth, lights and beauty, events that bring friends and family together to make memories -- but I feel the most joy when I celebrate Jesus and all that He is and what He has done for us.

The peace He came to bring is more than just a feeling -- it is a radically different way to live, to think, to love. And it can only be realized in our hearts and lives when we allow Jesus Christ to be at the center, to lead us in His way and to learn His truth and share that with others around us.

So what are we are going to proclaim this Christmas? And let us not just proclaim the message of Jesus Christ because we should, but because of what it says in Isaiah 61:3 -- in order that God may be glorified. Because,  it doesn't stop at the end of December, when our celebrations are finished and we return to the regular routines of life.

Through Jesus Christ, God has brought peace and joy to us who believe -- but His plan is not yet complete. There is still sin, evil and pain in our broken world, and He longs to set everyone free, to bring hope, freedom, life and joy to every person. And one day, every single person in the world will know and acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, and in the new heaven and new earth there will be perfect peace and harmony like never before for all those who believe in Him.

But some may never know unless we speak the truth, unless we proclaim what God has made known to us and what we see when we recall how Christ was born and why He came...

Sing to the Lord, bless His name; proclaim the good news of His salvation from day to day. Declare His glory among the nations, His wonders among all peoples. For the Lord is great and greatly to be praised... honor and majesty are before Him; strength and beauty are in His sanctuary. Oh, worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness! Tremble before Him, all the earth. Say among the nations, "The Lord reigns...For He is coming, for He is coming to judge the earth. He shall judge the world with righteousness and the peoples with His truth."
~ Psalm 96:2-4a, 6a, 9-10a, 13 ~

More Than I Can See

How often we think that "I know what I'm supposed to do and why I'm supposed to be here" and then God bursts our bubble in a gentle way and reminds us that He has a plan so much greater than we can see.

This is what happened for me the week of June 24-30 at Lake Of The Trees Bible Camp -- I went to help out for a week, to assist with admin duties and whatever needed to be done, and thought that would be my main job. And in a sense it was, but God was doing such a work of healing and revival in the hearts and lives of the staff that were there for staff training that some of those more routine things took a back seat.

About mid-week, God lovingly showed me that even though I was there to help with practical tasks (which I did), that He had also placed me there so that I could be an encouragement to the young people who were struggling with letting go of the pain in their past and learning how to trust God and walk in obedience with Him...

There was more going on than I was able to see at the time, and at the end of the week I was so overwhelmed with joy and peace that He had chosen to use me in that way -- far beyond what I had expected to take place!

I praise God for the moments that He opens my eyes to what He is doing, which is often more than I can see in the midst of everyday life.

I need to remember this -- as we all do -- because it's so easy to focus on what we can see, and we may miss some blessings and the little glimpses God gives us of His plan, which is so far beyond our vision and comprehension.

As I prepare to go to Ukraine, I know that there is more than I can see happening in the lives of the people here in Canada who are part of this ministry, as well as the people whose lives I will be part of in Ukraine...and I am excited about that, even if I never get the full picture!

THE GOOD AND THE BEST

As part of my devotional time each day, I read a portion from "MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST" by Oswald Chambers. Today's devotional spoke directly to my heart as this is exactly what God has been teaching me over the past months...

As soon as you begin to live the life of faith in God, fascinating and physically gratifying possibilities will open up before you...God sometimes allows you to get into a place of testing where your own welfare would be the appropriate thing to consider, if you were not living the life of faith. But if you are, you will joyfully waive your right and allow God to make your choice for you. This is the discipline God uses to transform the natural into the spiritual through obedience to His voice. Whenever our right becomes the guiding factor of our lives, it dulls our spiritual insight. The greatest enemy of the life of faith is not sin, but good choices which are not quite good enough [not what God wants for us]...Many of us do not grow spiritually because we prefer to choose on the basis of our rights...we have to learn to walk according to the standard which has its eyes focused on God. And God says to us, as He did to Abram, "...walk before Me..." (Genesis 17:1)

As I was sharing with some other friends this week, this is what God revealed to me last summer as I was trying to decide where God was leading. I should know by now that it's not up to me to decide, but I am still learning this lesson. And I have discovered the wondrous joy of giving up my rights and allowing God to choose where I should go -- there is a supernatural peace that fills the soul and the heart when I am following God's leading and when I know that it is the best purpose for me that He is working out in my life.

Lord, please help me to remember that what I think is good may not be the best, or what You desire for me. I want to walk before You with my eyes focused on You and Your faithfulness, and I thank You for the promise that if I will give up my "rights" that You will guide me in the way that You know is best for me.

IN THE SILENCE...

When August rolled around, I was feeling drained emotionally, physically and mentally, and I needed to get away for some quiet time. The weather this summer has been very nice for outdoor activities, so I decided to go camping on the August long weekend.

I booked a nice little campsite online at the Kakabeka Falls Provincial Park from Sunday, July 31 to Monday, August 1 -- see picture below:

I borrowed the tent from a friend and set up for a nice quiet weekend away.
I took along my Bible and a couple of books and a journal, but really spent very little time doing any of those activities while I was there.

On Sunday afternoon, I went for a walk (well, actually more like a hike) down the Little Falls Hiking Trail. As I was beginning the hike, I discovered a perfect photo opportunity - a butterfly on some thistle-flowers - and I got some really great pictures -- like the one below:

These kind of moments happened all along the way, which was really neat, because I was so very aware of God's presence with me and appreciative of the opportunity I had to experience the beauty of His creation.

The Little Falls trail was pretty steep (both up and down) in some parts, but after awhile I reached the place where it gets its name...a little waterfall and stream that feeds into the Kaministiquia River -- see below:

I chose this picture because of the light streaming down through the trees...the waterfall is not quite so visible, but the light in this picture made me think of God shining His light into our lives. The waterfall flows into a stream that runs downward and connects with the river, and so I took a lot of pictures as I went. This next photo is one of the little pools along the way, and it made me feel so quiet and serene -- see below:

I went looking for a retreat and I definitely found one. There was no one else on the trail (at least not when I was hiking) and most of the time I didn't even feel the need to talk aloud...I just reveled in the tranquility and the beautiful silence of knowing that I was communing with God as I enjoyed His wonderful creation.

The trail meandered along the Kaministiquia River for awhile, where I took a lot more pictures, and the one below is one of my favourites:

In the silence, God spoke to my heart and gave me the refreshment and encouragement that I had been seeking. Sometimes we fill our lives with so many things that we don't have time to just "be still and know that He is God," and I think that was what my spirit needed at that time.

I spent a little bit of time at the swimming area on Sunday afternoon and then returned to the campsite. I tried to read a little bit, but I was so tired (possibly from the fresh air and swimming) and I could finally just rest, that I crawled into bed really early and fell asleep.

The next morning, I awoke just after sunrise and spent some time doing devotions. Then I went for a little walk down the Mountain Portage trail and also took a few pictures of the falls -- see below:

All in all, it really was a retreat, and in the silence I was revived in body, mind and spirit.
I think this is eloquently expressed in many of the Psalms, but especially in Psalm 23, where David says:

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul."

YOUR WILL, NOT MINE

As Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, "yet not my will, but yours be done." This is to be our declaration if we confess that Jesus Christ is Lord of our lives, but it's easier to say than to actually let go of the control we want to have over our choices.

A short while ago, when I returned to Canada from Ukraine, as I prayed about my future, I made a tentative decision based on what I had seen and experienced and what I thought was best for my future. For a couple of days, it seemed that I had made a wise choice, but then God began to challenge me in my spirit.

My pastor spoke that Sunday about surrendering control of our lives to God and he asked a pointed question: How stubbornly determined are we to live our lives the way we want to?

I had no rest in my spirit for several days as I wrestled with the possibility that I had allowed my will, my desires, my thoughts about what was best for me overrule what God wanted to do in and through my life.

I picked up a devotional book on July 9th and it was a devotional on John 7:17 which was exactly what I needed to hear...
To those who say they want to believe but can't, to the Christian who hesitates to launch out in full dependence on the promise of Christ, it offers an experiment. Reduced to its simplest terms that experiment amounts to this: Submit your will to God and you will know. Just as surely as it is impossible for God to lie, so everyone who honestly says to God, "I will do Thy will," will know whether the Lord Jesus spoke divine truth or only a human word. In light of this, it is the unsurrendered will that keeps men from knowing the Lord Jesus Christ. No man can hold full title to his own will and at the same time really know God. Nor can a Christian hold partial title to his own will and realize to the full what God can do in his life.

That night, amid many tears, I confessed my stubbornness and desire for what I wanted my life and ministry to be and surrendered it to God, asking Him to lead me in His plans for me. I had immediate peace and release from the struggle I had been feeling in my spirit all week.

I do not claim to know yet where exactly God is leading me in ministry, but I DO know this: as long as I do not allow my desires, plans, hopes, etc. to take precedence in my thoughts and prayers, and as long as I truly listen for God's voice, I will know what He wants me to do. And that has brought me the peace I sought.

ALL ABOUT HIM

I've been a little slack in my blog-writing, so today while I have a few quiet moments, I decided to amend that. Sometimes coming up with an accurate title for what I want to share is a challenge, so I decided for this note to follow the theme of the last one. (Not About Me...All About Him)

I'm overwhelmed (in a good way) by God's love and care for me and the way that He guides my steps - I hope I never lose the joy and wonderment of that realization.

I've been so encouraged the last few weeks by the children in my Sunday School class. They have risen to the challenge of learning their memory verses and it's exciting to see that they are remembering what has been taught them about God's promises! It's been a challenge for me as well, to adapt my style of teaching to a more active group of children, but I am a creative person, so I've begun to enjoy the challenge of finding new ways to make the lesson more interactive for the children.

This last week's memory verse was 2 Corinthians 12:9a - "...My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." How timely this was - considering that I would succumb to a throat infection on Friday and find myself physically weak and needing to literally rely on His strength! I claimed this promise and held to His hand and He provided in His grace just what I needed.

Ahead of me this week are some meetings and discussions about my future, and although the details are still uncertain to me and I don't really know what to expect, I know that I can trust God to work out His perfect plan. The chorus of a gospel song says it like this: "Many things about tomorrow I don't seem to understand; but I know who holds tomorrow, and I know who holds my hand."

Here a few verses that speak to my heart - there's nothing better than meditating on the wonderful truths in God's Word.

Job 23: 10

"But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me I shall come forth as gold."

Isaiah 26:3

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You."

Psalm 46:10

"Be still and know that I am God...I will be exalted in all the earth."

I'll close this note with the powerful words of a worship song that echo the declaration of Isaiah 46:9 - "Remember the former things, those of long ago; I am God and there is no other; I am God and there is none like me."

There is no rock, there is no god like our God, no other name worthy of all our praise.

The rock of salvation that cannot be moved, He's proven Himself to be faithful and true; there is no rock, there is no god like ours.

Rock of Ages, Jesus is the Rock. Rock of Ages, Jesus is the Rock. Rock of Ages, Jesus is the Rock. There is no rock, there is no god like ours!

NEW BEGINNINGS - 2010

Well, we're officially halfway through the month of January and this is my first post...
I am committed to posting regularly - it's just taken me awhile to get back into a consistent, regular routine.

     On my first day back at work on January 4th, I literally had a new, "fresh" beginning - I had been able to get caught up on the workload at the end of December and it was delightful to have a clean desk. Of course, this only lasted for a day before it returned to normalcy.
     Thankfully, I have a new perspective on my job as well - over the last few months God has, by His grace, been giving me a new outlook, particularly in regard to my job. I am so thankful for the freedom and peace that comes from doing just what is given to me each day and not worrying about things I can't control. I pray that this continues even as the workload and pressure continues to grow.

     On the home front, since last summer I have gradually neglected to consistently put things away in my little house, which has developed into a cluttered space (not dirty, but definitely a far cry from my neatly organized desk at work). So at the beginning of this year, I looked at this space in which I live and I decided that something needed to be done.
     Have you ever realized that you need to do something but you've been procrastinating for so long that it seems almost insurmountable to begin the good habit? Well, I knew that I needed some kind of motivation, so I bought myself 2 new books with a Christmas gift certificate and I resolved that I would not open or begin reading them until I get a decent part of my house in order. This is a big discipline for me, because I absolutely love reading!!
     However, I am making progress...and now will come the discipline of developing the good habit of putting things away instead of letting things pile up.

That's just a glimpse - I'm sure there will be more new beginnings this year and I look forward to sharing them with you, and I hope your new year is beginning with promise as well.