Still On The Journey...

"Your trip may be over, but a new journey has begun.

In fact, the second journey may be one of the primary reasons

why God called you to go on the first one."

~ Tim Dearborn ~

I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written

in your book before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand

—when I awake, I am still with you. ~Psalm 139:14-18 ~

When I contemplate the quote above along with these truths from God's Word, I am reminded of God's sovereign guidance in my life and His awesome love for me, and those two things are the most important to remember in all the choices, struggles and decisions of life.

I believe that I have struggled with this because I tend to focus on achieving the goal, and I don't always recognize what's taking place on the way to get there. During my 9 months of intensive language study, this was one of the biggest realizations - and it's one of those lessons that I will continue to learn because it applies to ALL areas of life. When I started studying Russian, I often wanted to be able to understand now and my teacher continually reminded me that the comprehension would come as I progressed step by step. I had to learn to rejoice in the process - no matter how slow it seemed - and to recognize what I was learning in the moment instead of looking ahead to what I though was most important.

Since coming back to Canada, I have realized that being able to adequately answer the "why" questions is not the most important thing; rather, it is to be able to identify what God has been and is still teaching me on this journey of following Him.

I started this blog sometime in the summer of 2014, a few months after returning home to Canada, and I did not finish it at that time. In the many months since, God has continually been showing me truths about Him and about myself and has been changing me from the inside out in various ways.

I want to share with you the life-transforming lessons I have been learning on my journey of knowing, loving and following my Lord, but they are too many for just one blog post.

So... I will be writing several entries over the next little while, and I hope that what I share from my heart will be an encouragement and maybe even a challenge for you as well.

Struggle and Rest

You may be asking why I put two opposing words together in the title -- it's because they are both necessary to the Christian journey and they often go hand-in-hand.

For the last several weeks, I've been struggling with questions about purpose and feelings of not being useful or needed, particularly in regard to the ministry I'm currently involved in. It's been on my mind constantly, and I've been praying much about it, but for the majority of the time, I've been praying that God would give me what I felt I needed most.

I shared this with a few people I trust and asked them to pray for me also, especially as I waited for an opportunity to discuss this and consider what the best resolution is.

As I've been waiting and praying and reading God's Word, I've noticed the tone of my attitude changing from "please make it easier for me" to "give me the peace to accept Your will for me."

I meet via Skype with my parents and several other couples and individuals for a Bible study every Thursday morning (Wednesday evening in BC, Canada), and we are studying the book of Hebrews. Last week, the theme of the study was "rest," and that really spoke to me. I want to share with you a few of the insights I gleaned from that:

• There are different kinds of rest - there's physical rest, mental/emotional rest and spiritual rest - and we need these different kinds of rest in our lives. In a symphony, all the instruments don't play all the time. The rests are intended to accentuate the music, and similarly, the periods of rest in our lives are necessary to fully appreciate the rest of what we do.

• The Sabbath rest is a picture of our rest in Christ at salvation - the work of salvation is complete and there is nothing we need to do in regard to that. The Canaan rest (the rest that God had promised to His people) is a rest of claiming our inheritance in Christ - a rest of submission. Submission is a process - we don't give up everything at once; we may be able to rest in one context, and then in another way later on.

• Hebrews 4:11 says that to enter that "rest of submission", we need to give due diligence/make every effort/do our best. We need to work hard at giving things up to God, and we must give it our best effort.

• Hebrews 4:12 describes the Word of God and the picture of separating soul and spirit is important - God is the only One who can separate us from the things we want to hold onto and what we struggle with. The soul - our will and emotions - is what needs sanctifying. It's important to remember that while it may be painful, we are NOT being separated from God or His love, but rather from the things that hold us back from truly "resting" in Him.

Therefore, today when I had my ministry evaluation meeting and it was communicated to me that this time is intended to be a time of learning and that I don't need to strive so hard to "do something in order to feel useful," my heart had been softened to the point that I was able to submit to his leadership and accept his advice for me.

In the devotional from Joni Eareckson Tada today, I read these words:
Everyone enjoys the idea that God's plans for His children are to prosper them and not harm them, to give hope and a future, bright with possibilities. Yet God gave this invigorating and encouraging promise (Jeremiah 29:11) to inspire the captives. They were not to lose heart. One day, the Lord would deliver them and bring the nation back to Jerusalem. Despite the heartbreak of captivity, God's purpose was not to harm His people. Yes, they would feel the sting of slavery and hardship, but it ultimately meant a prosperous future.

God's purpose for our lives is usually discovered through the process of struggle and surrendering our will and desires to Him. And when we do, we discover incredible peace and rest in Him. One of my new favourite songs by Tenth Avenue North illustrates this when it says:

Hallelujah, we are free to struggle. We're not struggling to be free. Your [Christ's] blood bought and makes us children - children, drop your chains and sing!

So even though I will still struggle sometimes, I can be at rest in God.

PACKING & PREPARATIONS

Well, almost a month since my last post -- I intend to make my postings more frequent once I am in Ukraine and having lots of new experiences!

What a journey I have been on these past few months, preparing to leave for my first 2-year-term overseas! I'm thankful for the experiences I had in travelling to Lithuania in 2008, and then to Ukraine last June, because they have prepared me somewhat for the process of packing...but it's still challenging!

I'm taking mostly just the basics as far as clothing, a few books, my laptop (of course!) and a few personal items. One suitcase is fully packed (after 4 times of unpacking and re-packing), and the second one is almost finished -- I'm finally starting to feel the excitement and the reality of my impending journey!!

I am so thankful for Esther Lang, a special friend in my church here in Ashcroft, BC -- she has made several trips to Ukraine, and her experiences and knowledge are a huge blessing to me! God knows exactly what we need and He is so good to put people into our lives who can help us along.

Emotionally and mentally, I think I'm as prepared as I can be at this time...there's so much that I just don't know -- and won't know until I get there -- and I realize I just have to keep taking my concerns and fears and thoughts to the Lord in prayer and leave them in His hands. I'm also very thankful for my good physical health and strength.

Financially, I have almost 100% of my support -- praise the Lord, my Jehovah Jireh, for His marvelous provision -- and I have a huge prayer support base, which I am so very thankful for!!

Spiritually, my times of reading/studying God's Word and prayer have become so meaningful as God meets me and reveals Himself to me, and I hope that I never lose sight of that.

Isaiah 48:17

This is what the Lord says—your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.

STEP BY STEP

Wow, God has brought circumstances together so quickly in the past few months! It hardly feels possible but, Lord willing, I will be leaving for Ukraine on August 27th!!

God has already laid out the path, and step by step He is revealing that to me. I continue to be amazed at how He is at work in my life, and I hope that never changes, because He is an awesome God!!

My visa application is filled out and pretty much ready to go; I'm just waiting to receive the LOI (Letter Of Invitation) that is on its way to me, and then I can send it off to be processed. The plane tickets have been purchased and paid for - hooray!! And I am slowly but surely making progress with the packing.

My financial support is still lacking a little bit -- I continue to pray daily that God will raise up the people He wants to partner with me in this ministry so that my support will be at 100% by the time I leave.

I have a wonderful team of prayer supporters all across Canada -- and words are inadequate to express just how thankful I am!!

This past week I just finished my Pre-Field Orientation at EFCCM Home Office - it was very challenging, but also very encouraging as we shared our journeys and learned and gained insights from a couple who have been missionaries for many years. I am looking forward to the next steps of the journey!!

"Oh God, You are my God, and I will ever praise You! Oh God, You are my God, and I will ever praise You! I will seek You in the morning, and I will learn to walk in Your ways, and step by step You'll lead me and I will follow You all of my days."

TRAVELLIN' LIGHT

The Talleys sing a song called "Travellin' Light" and the words of the chorus go like this:

I'm travellin' light on this journey I'm on,

Don't need any baggage, 'cause I'm goin' home.

The weight of this world will only slow me down;

I'm walkin' on by faith and not by sight, and I'm travellin' light!

Due to the increasingly rigid restrictions for baggage on airline flights, I am working hard to pack light for my trip to Ukraine (even though I am going for 2 years). The funny thing is, now that I have to, I am realizing how much I really can do without -- and that frees me up from the stress of trying to fit everything in!

The gospel song is talking about our journey to our real home -- heaven -- and so it's really not about physical baggage. So as I was thinking about this, I recalled the words of the apostle Paul in Colossians 3:

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God…

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature:

sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry...

You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived.

But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self,

which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator…

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved,

clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly

as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus,

giving thanks to God the Father through him.

These are some instructions for what kind of "baggage" to get rid of and what to replace it with. And though this is considerably more difficult than simply narrowing down my selection of clothing, it is significantly more important in an eternal perspective.

When we do not "put off" the things of our earthly nature, it creates hurt, disappointment and trouble and it weighs us down with stress, unhappiness and sin. But when we do choose to clothe ourselves with the qualities God desires to see in us, it frees us up to live peaceably with one another and usually we are happier too.

I am thankful that we are "being renewed in the image of [our] Creator," but I am not there yet. By the end of August, my suitcases will be packed for my life overseas, but the process of becoming more like Christ in my thoughts, attitudes, words and actions will continue until the day I go to my real home.

Until then, I will practice "travelling light."

MY GOOD, HIS GLORY

On Wednesday, September 28th, I was finally ready to embark on my cross-country journey...

The car was packed, and I had shared many wonderful times with friends before I left my home in Thunder Bay. I had no idea what awaited me that day, or how the particular Scripture I read and meditated on that morning would be just exactly what I needed.

I had filled up with gas and then begun driving out of the city...it had only been about 20-25 minutes, when at the intersection of Hwy 102 and Mapleward Road my car died! There was a gas station on the right hand side, so I pulled off and stopped. After trying unsuccessfully to start the car, I called my mechanic (who was at his shop) and he said that he would take a look at it if I could get it there. I then called the tow truck and my friends with whom I had stayed the last few nights -- all these phone calls were courtesy of the kind man who operates the gas station -- and within 1 hour the car was at my mechanic's auto shop.

It wasn't long before we discovered that it would be a costly repair to fix the car, which was already leaking oil pretty badly. I called my dad and he recommended that I rent a vehicle to make the trip out west, since I wasn't planning on keeping the car once I arrived in BC anyway. This turned out to be quite a bit more expensive than I desired, but really my only option, since I really needed to get on the road. And God even provided a surprise monetary gift to help with the expense -- He is SO good!!

Here I am with the 1997 Chrysler Intrepid all packed full the night before I left:

Here is the 2011 Ford EDGE that I rented from Enterprise for the trip to BC:

The trip went very well...I drove from Thunder Bay, Ontario to Elm Creek, Manitoba in 9 hours and didn't encounter any wildlife, nor did I sense exhaustion until I reached my destination - PRAISE THE LORD! On Friday, Sept. 30 my mom arrived in Winnipeg by plane and then we drove for the next 3 days together, arriving in Ashcroft, BC on Monday around 4:30 pm. The rental vehicle was very nice, except that the seats were not comfortable on our backs.

After getting settled in my new "temporary" home, on Thursday I opened up my devotional journal and read what I had written down on the morning I left Thunder Bay as I meditated on Psalm 73...

I love how Asaph ends this psalm:

Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever...But it is good for me to draw near to God; I have put my trust in the Lord God, that I may declare all your works.

Sometimes we need to come to the end of ourselves to realize that God is our strength and our portion.

Lord, may it be true in my heart that I desire nothing on earth besides You.

I agree with Asaph that it is good to draw near to God - we see the short-sightedness of our vision and the goodness and faithfulness of the one in whom we've put our trust. And the reason why we've put our trust in Him is so that we can declare all of HIS works, not ours.

Lord, help me to see Your hand in everything, and to declare Your works even when it doesn't make sense to me. Thank You that You do not forsake Your own and that You care about all that concerns us. May I trust You more and more each day.

It is NOT a coincidence that I was reflecting on God's goodness in the midst of circumstances we cannot understand on the day where my travel plans would need to be adjusted...and it didn't take long for me to see just how good God was in all that transpired that day --

- my car died (literally) in front of a gas station, not on the highway in the middle of nowhere
- my mechanic was at his shop early that morning and was able to tell me what was wrong
- the car rental company went the extra mile to help me out with the unexpected expense
- God provided some extra funds to help with the trip
- I had safe travel the entire time and a reliable car to drive

As children of our loving Heavenly Father, we know that all of the things we experience are for our good and His glory, because He has promised to "never leave or forsake us" and that "He will complete the work that He started in us."