EXPECTATIONS, LETTING GO and TRUST

This blog post has been a draft for about a month now. I knew that I needed to write it, but I needed to experience a few more situations first...and now I'm ready. Sometimes putting my feelings and thoughts into words gives me courage for the challenges ahead, so here goes:

Living here in Ukraine and trying to adapt to the culture and the challenges of studying seems to bring out both the best and the worst in me, and that's a good thing, although it doesn't always feel like it. When God in His grace redeemed me and called me to Himself, He began a process called "sanctification." Sometimes I forget this, and then my Heavenly Father lovingly chastens me and reminds me that the goal is to change and transform me to be more like His Son, Jesus Christ. There are times along the way when I may receive unexpected encouragement or glimpses of the miraculous changes that He is bringing about, but it is important to remember - especially when it's hard - that He will complete the work He started in me because it is all about Him.

"being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ..." (Philippians 1:6)

EXPECTATIONS -- sometimes we realize that we have them, and sometimes we don't. In both cases, there is often disappointment and hurt and a wide range of emotions. But there is also great opportunity for grace. I think probably one of the hardest aspects of understanding expectations is acknowledging that some of them are not important and truly desiring to change the way I respond to circumstances. I will never be free of expectations in this life, but I am so thankful that in His mercy God understands my weakness.

LETTING GO -- once I have honestly faced my expectations I must move to the next step - learning to release my grasp on them and the emotions attached to them. This is really a shift in perspective, because in order to let go I have to be willing to change. Too often I find myself thinking, "Why is this so hard? Why can't I just do it the way I want to or have done it for so long?" This is stinking pride -- the root of it is that I want to feel knowledgeable or important or that I have been able to achieve something, and so instead of being willing to learn from others and looking for the positives, I gripe and complain about how difficult it is to change.

"I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God; for if righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died in vain.” (Galatians 2:20-21)

Were it not for this truth, for the reality that Christ lives in me and is working in me, it would feel hopeless. But I can press on because I know that this is true.

TRUST -- it is a daily challenge to trust that God's plan truly is the best and to translate that into how I build relationships and respond to circumstances that come my way. I have to trust that there is a reason, even if I cannot see it now and I must trust that if my heart is truly willing, my Father will enable me to do what feels impossible to me at the moment.

These insights have come out of my experiences in learning to live in close quarters with people I don't know who think and act differently than I do, and in studying a language and culture that is in many ways foreign to me. I want to relate to the people in my life and to build relationships with them, and in order to do that I have to be willing to develop new ways of thinking and acting, but the old ways must go first.

I appreciate your prayers and encouragement on this journey -- God is at work and I want to joyfully accept what He brings into my life and allow Him to transform me into the person I need to be. I am in the service of the King and He must be Lord of all.

STEP BY STEP

Wow, God has brought circumstances together so quickly in the past few months! It hardly feels possible but, Lord willing, I will be leaving for Ukraine on August 27th!!

God has already laid out the path, and step by step He is revealing that to me. I continue to be amazed at how He is at work in my life, and I hope that never changes, because He is an awesome God!!

My visa application is filled out and pretty much ready to go; I'm just waiting to receive the LOI (Letter Of Invitation) that is on its way to me, and then I can send it off to be processed. The plane tickets have been purchased and paid for - hooray!! And I am slowly but surely making progress with the packing.

My financial support is still lacking a little bit -- I continue to pray daily that God will raise up the people He wants to partner with me in this ministry so that my support will be at 100% by the time I leave.

I have a wonderful team of prayer supporters all across Canada -- and words are inadequate to express just how thankful I am!!

This past week I just finished my Pre-Field Orientation at EFCCM Home Office - it was very challenging, but also very encouraging as we shared our journeys and learned and gained insights from a couple who have been missionaries for many years. I am looking forward to the next steps of the journey!!

"Oh God, You are my God, and I will ever praise You! Oh God, You are my God, and I will ever praise You! I will seek You in the morning, and I will learn to walk in Your ways, and step by step You'll lead me and I will follow You all of my days."

More Than I Can See

How often we think that "I know what I'm supposed to do and why I'm supposed to be here" and then God bursts our bubble in a gentle way and reminds us that He has a plan so much greater than we can see.

This is what happened for me the week of June 24-30 at Lake Of The Trees Bible Camp -- I went to help out for a week, to assist with admin duties and whatever needed to be done, and thought that would be my main job. And in a sense it was, but God was doing such a work of healing and revival in the hearts and lives of the staff that were there for staff training that some of those more routine things took a back seat.

About mid-week, God lovingly showed me that even though I was there to help with practical tasks (which I did), that He had also placed me there so that I could be an encouragement to the young people who were struggling with letting go of the pain in their past and learning how to trust God and walk in obedience with Him...

There was more going on than I was able to see at the time, and at the end of the week I was so overwhelmed with joy and peace that He had chosen to use me in that way -- far beyond what I had expected to take place!

I praise God for the moments that He opens my eyes to what He is doing, which is often more than I can see in the midst of everyday life.

I need to remember this -- as we all do -- because it's so easy to focus on what we can see, and we may miss some blessings and the little glimpses God gives us of His plan, which is so far beyond our vision and comprehension.

As I prepare to go to Ukraine, I know that there is more than I can see happening in the lives of the people here in Canada who are part of this ministry, as well as the people whose lives I will be part of in Ukraine...and I am excited about that, even if I never get the full picture!

THE GIFT OF TODAY

I think all of us are familiar with the phrase: Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, and today is a gift, that's why we call it "the present."

And for all of us, each day literally IS a gift from God. Psalm 139 says that every day of our lives was ordained and written in God's book before we were conceived or took our first breath...I cannot fathom that really; "such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain."

Not only that, but James tells us that "every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."

I had a moment today when I allowed myself to become so frustrated with the difficult circumstances around me that I lost sight of the gift of today. Then I read a blog from a friend and was reminded of how much God has been changing me and giving me new sight and perspective as I have been learning to recognize and name the blessings all around me every day.

Here's a glimpse of some of the gifts I experienced today and I hope this encourages you too.

• Sunlight on my face, basking in its warmth
• Pickle-and-tuna sandwich
• Computer programs that don't work properly (and yes, this is a gift, because it reminded me of the fact nothing is perfect in this world, and that through the difficulties I can learn and grow)
• Being able to walk uphill all the way home
• A complimentary word from my boss
• Wonderful friends and family that I can wish a "Happy Valentine's Day"
• Hot bubble bath to soak my tired muscles
• Glasses that help me to see
• Uplifting gospel songs ringing in my heart all day long

                In the words of Bill and Gloria Gaither...

We have this moment to hold in our hands,

And to touch, as it slips through our fingers like sand;

Yesterday's gone and tomorrow may never come,

But we have this moment today.

IN THE SILENCE...

When August rolled around, I was feeling drained emotionally, physically and mentally, and I needed to get away for some quiet time. The weather this summer has been very nice for outdoor activities, so I decided to go camping on the August long weekend.

I booked a nice little campsite online at the Kakabeka Falls Provincial Park from Sunday, July 31 to Monday, August 1 -- see picture below:

I borrowed the tent from a friend and set up for a nice quiet weekend away.
I took along my Bible and a couple of books and a journal, but really spent very little time doing any of those activities while I was there.

On Sunday afternoon, I went for a walk (well, actually more like a hike) down the Little Falls Hiking Trail. As I was beginning the hike, I discovered a perfect photo opportunity - a butterfly on some thistle-flowers - and I got some really great pictures -- like the one below:

These kind of moments happened all along the way, which was really neat, because I was so very aware of God's presence with me and appreciative of the opportunity I had to experience the beauty of His creation.

The Little Falls trail was pretty steep (both up and down) in some parts, but after awhile I reached the place where it gets its name...a little waterfall and stream that feeds into the Kaministiquia River -- see below:

I chose this picture because of the light streaming down through the trees...the waterfall is not quite so visible, but the light in this picture made me think of God shining His light into our lives. The waterfall flows into a stream that runs downward and connects with the river, and so I took a lot of pictures as I went. This next photo is one of the little pools along the way, and it made me feel so quiet and serene -- see below:

I went looking for a retreat and I definitely found one. There was no one else on the trail (at least not when I was hiking) and most of the time I didn't even feel the need to talk aloud...I just reveled in the tranquility and the beautiful silence of knowing that I was communing with God as I enjoyed His wonderful creation.

The trail meandered along the Kaministiquia River for awhile, where I took a lot more pictures, and the one below is one of my favourites:

In the silence, God spoke to my heart and gave me the refreshment and encouragement that I had been seeking. Sometimes we fill our lives with so many things that we don't have time to just "be still and know that He is God," and I think that was what my spirit needed at that time.

I spent a little bit of time at the swimming area on Sunday afternoon and then returned to the campsite. I tried to read a little bit, but I was so tired (possibly from the fresh air and swimming) and I could finally just rest, that I crawled into bed really early and fell asleep.

The next morning, I awoke just after sunrise and spent some time doing devotions. Then I went for a little walk down the Mountain Portage trail and also took a few pictures of the falls -- see below:

All in all, it really was a retreat, and in the silence I was revived in body, mind and spirit.
I think this is eloquently expressed in many of the Psalms, but especially in Psalm 23, where David says:

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul."

A Woman of Wise Speech

I spent this past Friday evening and Saturday at the Northwest Women of Grace mini-conference here in Thunder Bay, and it was a refreshing, encouraging and challenging time.

The theme was "Becoming a Woman of Wise Speech", which is always a timely and appropriate area to focus on, especially as women, since conversation is such a huge part of our lives. The key verse was Proverbs 25:11 "A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver."

I was struck by the number of verses in Proverbs that address the way we speak and the areas in which we need to be changed to reflect the character and qualities that God wants to see in us and that will be of benefit to others around us.

Something else that stuck with me is a quote that was shared by our speaker, Janet Surette: "I am the master of the words I have not spoken and a slave to the words I should not have said."

Lord, may I allow You to guide my words so that I need not be ashamed or burdened by words that I ought  not to have said. There is so much in Your Word that teaches me in this area...

As Psalm 139:23-24 says, I need to allow God to "search me and know my heart," to "test my and know my thoughts; to see if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting." If I daily am willing to allow God to change my heart, then what flows out of the abundance of my heart will be pleasing and good.

James 1:19a says that "everyone should be quick to listen and slow to speak." This is an area where I need continual growth since I like to talk, and another quote that was shared that impacted me was "Seek not to be interesting, but to be interested." If I am truly interested in the other person rather than what I can say, then I will be more prone to listen and talk less.

Proverbs 15:28a says, "The heart of the righteous ponders how to to answer..." I need to think about a) what I would say before I say it, b) how to say it, and c) when I should say it.

Colossians 4:6 says to "let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person."

As Proverbs 22:17-18 says, I need to "incline [my] ear and hear the words of the wise, and apply [my] mind to [His] knowledge..." This will bring pleasing results in my interactions with others. I need to ask God for wisdom (James 1:5) and study and apply His Word to my life.

Ephesians 4:29 says "Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Lord, please help me to choose to characterize people by the good in them rather than the negative; to praise them to others; to focus on the good and to verbally encourage others.

ENCOURAGEMENT & GRATITUDE

"Therefore, if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from His love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind."

PHILIPPIANS 2:1-2

This past Sunday's message was - and consequently, our small-group Bible study theme was as well - focusing on the aspect of encouraging one another in the Lord. Encouragement is so necessary and yet so often neglected in our daily lives. Just today, one of my colleagues at work was expressing to me how it would make her job so much more enjoyable and rewarding if she occasionally heard a "thank you" or a kind word about what she has been working so hard to accomplish.

The really neat thing about godly encouragement is that one doesn't need to be a "super-Christian" or extremely talented in a certain area - just the fact that we are all part of the family of Christ is reason enough to encourage one another and express our thankfulness for each other.

And when we do, it's fascinating to see how the flower of encouragement blossoms and spreads throughout many other relationships! When we recognize that we are all equally loved and valued and when we desire to build up the unity among our Christian family, just hearing what God has been doing in someone else's life and how they have been encouraged is an encouragement to us!

I had a wonderful experience of this the other day with my dear sister in Christ. She shared with me what God had been speaking to her heart and that in turn encouraged me in the situation I was in. And when we  encourage one another, it doesn't need to be about achievements or what the world would term "worthy of praise" - we should encourage one another simply because we are family.

Encouragement and gratitude go hand-in-hand. You will find that the more you practice encouraging others, the more thankful you are for what we sometimes consider "the small things," as well as the people whom you live and work with. The other day, my employer gave me a huge compliment, which naturally encouraged me, but my response was simply to say "thank you". And then I found that I was so much more eager to encourage others and thank them for their contributions - it's a circle of life-giving nourishment.

As I was meditating on this the other morning, I was inspired to write a poem:

I cannot say I've got it all together;

And I'm not always happy with the weather.

I do not always look ahead with hope -

Sometimes I just seek for the easiest way to cope.

When there seems to be no other way

To deal with the issues, I bow my head to pray.

And it's then God gently helps me to see

The blessings that are all around me.

The Word of God is full of wisdom for all the ages,

And if I heed it, it will work in me miraculous changes;

And give me opportunity to encourage my friends,

To let them know their struggles - and mine - are not the end.

True peace comes from giving my burdens to the Lord,

And a happy smile when I share a few kind words.

If I always see the bad and not the good,

I will not act in the way that I really should.

And if I will, in true humility,

Allow God to make me what I ought to be;

Then those around me will clearly see

That trusting in God brings joy and sets me free.

"May our Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who loved us and by His grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word."

2 THESSALONIANS 2:16-17