Struggle and Rest

You may be asking why I put two opposing words together in the title -- it's because they are both necessary to the Christian journey and they often go hand-in-hand.

For the last several weeks, I've been struggling with questions about purpose and feelings of not being useful or needed, particularly in regard to the ministry I'm currently involved in. It's been on my mind constantly, and I've been praying much about it, but for the majority of the time, I've been praying that God would give me what I felt I needed most.

I shared this with a few people I trust and asked them to pray for me also, especially as I waited for an opportunity to discuss this and consider what the best resolution is.

As I've been waiting and praying and reading God's Word, I've noticed the tone of my attitude changing from "please make it easier for me" to "give me the peace to accept Your will for me."

I meet via Skype with my parents and several other couples and individuals for a Bible study every Thursday morning (Wednesday evening in BC, Canada), and we are studying the book of Hebrews. Last week, the theme of the study was "rest," and that really spoke to me. I want to share with you a few of the insights I gleaned from that:

• There are different kinds of rest - there's physical rest, mental/emotional rest and spiritual rest - and we need these different kinds of rest in our lives. In a symphony, all the instruments don't play all the time. The rests are intended to accentuate the music, and similarly, the periods of rest in our lives are necessary to fully appreciate the rest of what we do.

• The Sabbath rest is a picture of our rest in Christ at salvation - the work of salvation is complete and there is nothing we need to do in regard to that. The Canaan rest (the rest that God had promised to His people) is a rest of claiming our inheritance in Christ - a rest of submission. Submission is a process - we don't give up everything at once; we may be able to rest in one context, and then in another way later on.

• Hebrews 4:11 says that to enter that "rest of submission", we need to give due diligence/make every effort/do our best. We need to work hard at giving things up to God, and we must give it our best effort.

• Hebrews 4:12 describes the Word of God and the picture of separating soul and spirit is important - God is the only One who can separate us from the things we want to hold onto and what we struggle with. The soul - our will and emotions - is what needs sanctifying. It's important to remember that while it may be painful, we are NOT being separated from God or His love, but rather from the things that hold us back from truly "resting" in Him.

Therefore, today when I had my ministry evaluation meeting and it was communicated to me that this time is intended to be a time of learning and that I don't need to strive so hard to "do something in order to feel useful," my heart had been softened to the point that I was able to submit to his leadership and accept his advice for me.

In the devotional from Joni Eareckson Tada today, I read these words:
Everyone enjoys the idea that God's plans for His children are to prosper them and not harm them, to give hope and a future, bright with possibilities. Yet God gave this invigorating and encouraging promise (Jeremiah 29:11) to inspire the captives. They were not to lose heart. One day, the Lord would deliver them and bring the nation back to Jerusalem. Despite the heartbreak of captivity, God's purpose was not to harm His people. Yes, they would feel the sting of slavery and hardship, but it ultimately meant a prosperous future.

God's purpose for our lives is usually discovered through the process of struggle and surrendering our will and desires to Him. And when we do, we discover incredible peace and rest in Him. One of my new favourite songs by Tenth Avenue North illustrates this when it says:

Hallelujah, we are free to struggle. We're not struggling to be free. Your [Christ's] blood bought and makes us children - children, drop your chains and sing!

So even though I will still struggle sometimes, I can be at rest in God.

MESSAGES FROM GOD

This is an exciting post to write!
     I'm not surprised, since I know that God does this, but when you experience Him speaking to you and the reality of the message applies directly to where you're at in that moment, then it's time to pause and give thanks to the One who knows us so well and knows just exactly what we need.

* Sunday morning was one of those times.
     I have been here in Kiev, Ukraine now for 4 weeks - THAT'S really hard to believe - and I'm just barely scratching the surface of understanding the language. So as I went to church, I hoped but did not expect to feel a part of the service, especially the sermon (проповедь).
     However, with my Russian-English parallel Bible I was able to follow along somewhat with the Scripture reading (I still make a few mistakes with some of the letters in the alphabet, and he was reading quickly), so I at least knew what he was speaking about. My vocabulary is growing slowly, but there were times when he slowed down or emphasized certain points, and I was ACTUALLY able to understand a few of the words and phrases!
     The Scripture passage was Daniel 1:1-20, and he read and spoke on it in sections. I don't know what the main points of his message were, but here's the really awesome thing: God spoke a message from that Scripture passage to my heart during the sermon and it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear!!

What was the message?
     Well, you know that Daniel 1:1-20 recounts the beginning of the time that Daniel and his comrades, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah (otherwise known as Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego) spent in Babylon as exiles. Under Daniel's leadership, they requested - and were granted - the privilege of abstaining from the king's chosen food and drink in order to stay true to the Lord God, and Daniel was confident that they would not be found wanting. After a 10-day trial, they were found to be better in appearance and health than the other young men and verse 17 also says that God gave them knowledge and skill in all literature and wisdom.
     The message that God spoke to my heart was this: that putting Him and His desires for me in the place of primary importance is what will cause me to prosper. Now, I'm NOT saying that I am expecting God to instantly give me supernatural insight and skill with the language (even though that would be amazing), but I realized that if I want to have success in what I do and be pleasing to my Lord and King that I MUST make sure He has first place.

     I'm trying to get into a new routine here, and daily devotions have been a little irregular over the past couple of weeks, so I made a conscious choice that despite everything else, I would make sure that the first thing I do to prepare each morning is to take my quiet time with God. I pray and ask Him daily to help me with the language learning and whatever challenges will face me that day, but I also have a responsibility to walk in relationship with Him as He desires me to. And I know that when I put Him first, I will have the proper perspective and responses to the situations I face.

* The other message was one that I received today, so that is why I am writing it down now.
     I receive a daily email devotional from "Joni and Friends," the ministry of Joni Eareckson Tada, and it is always encouraging to my spirit. Today's message was exactly what I needed to hear and, God-incidentally, it was the first thing I saw when I opened up my email this afternoon.
     The title of it is called "Fruit Comes Through Struggle" and it talked about how a grapevine needs to struggle in order to produce excellent fruit, because if it has an easy time growing, all the nutrients will go into the leaves and it will only look good.

     The challenge, of course (kонечно), was to apply this to our lives: to see the struggles that we face as coming from the Lord's hand, and to realize that without them we will not produce the kind of spiritual fruit that He wants to see in our lives.
    Why was this particularly applicable today? Because I had a difficult language lesson today -- it felt like I was running into a roadblock to understanding the concepts I was being taught. I don't like to struggle - I want to feel competent, to see myself making progress and to understand. But as I read the devotional I realized that these language lessons are not merely for learning the language -- they are a potter's wheel for developing character and if I can learn to humble myself, accept my mistakes, be thankful for the teaching AND the struggles, and keep pressing on, then I will eventually produce fruit. I'm fairly certain that I won't be fluent, but God knows what I need in order to be involved in this ministry He has called me to and He is sovereign over ALL the circumstances of my life.

So bring on the challenges!
     With my Lord walking with me and my eyes on Him, I cannot fail and He will cause me to bring honour to His Name for the things being accomplished in and through my life!!