Change is a Process...

You know the phrase: "Please be patient; God's not finished with me yet."

It usually gets pulled out and applied at moments when we feel we've really messed up or at times when we are painfully aware of our weakness and inadequacy. But it is not simply something to say in an awkward situation - it is a hopeful declaration.

I don't know about you, but I am EXTREMELY grateful that we have such a patient and gracious God - He NEVER gives up on us when we sin, miss the mark, disappoint Him, ourselves and others, or make any number of mistakes.

Because of Christ, when we accept His sacrifice for us on the cross and surrender our lives to Him, God the Father now sees us not as flawed human beings, but as precious children clothed in the righteousness of His Son, and He is constantly working in and through us to change us so that we reflect the image of Jesus and bring glory and praise to Himself.

But make no mistake...this is a PROCESS, and one that continues day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute.

I think of the beautiful allegory "Hinds' Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard ... the Shepherd had promised Much-Afraid to bring her to the high places, to perfect her and to fulfil the deepest yearnings of her soul. But every time on the journey where the path seemed to lead away from the goal, Much-Afraid lost sight of the Shepherd's love and faithfulness and fell captive to her fear again. Then she would call out to the Shepherd and He would come immediately and patiently remind her that He would keep His promise. He asked her if she would she trust Him even though it didn't make sense? And then she would build an altar and make a sacrifice, picking up a stone to carry with her as a reminder of the lesson she had learned. It was only at the end of the journey that the stones were turned into precious jewels for a crown, and that she was ready to receive what the Shepherd had promised.

How like Much-Afraid I am sometimes! And how wonderfully patient and gracious is our Good Shepherd - He meets us right where we are at and, though He may discipline us to bring us to the point of surrender, He never condemns us for our weakness, but rather reminds us of His strength. Then He picks us up and sets us back on the path He has chosen for us, the path that will transform us and conform us to His perfect will.

I have been doing some soul-searching lately and have recognized some things in my heart and my life that need to be changed. I have been fighting a battle with my flesh and through Christ I know I will gain the victory, even though I'm not quite there yet. And today I had to face once again certain areas of weakness that affect my ability to effectively serve others.

It is not comfortable, but recognizing our failings and weaknesses is the starting point to move forward, to grow and change. I write this with tears in my eyes, but my heart is also hopeful because I know that God will never let go of me. As long as I seek Him, He will guide me and He will take me through the valleys when He knows there is a lesson there I need to learn, and I will eventually come out on the other side.

A little chorus we sang often when I was a child says this:

"Little by little, every day; little by little in every way,

my Jesus is changing me, He's changing me.

Since I made a turn-about face, I've been walking in His grace, my Jesus is changing me.

He lives in me - God's Holy Spirit - I'm not the same person that I used to be.

Sometimes it's slow going,

but there's a knowing that one day like Him I will be."

When we're in the midst of a refining fire, it's not pleasant. But God has promised to "take away our heart of stone and give us a new heart, a heart of flesh." He has promised to "complete the good work He started in us" until the day we come face to face with Jesus. And He has promised that we will find Him "when we seek Him with all our hearts."

I echo the words of the apostle Paul in Philippians 3: "...not that I have already achieved all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on towards the goal to take hold of the prize for which Christ Jesus took hold of me."

It's NOT easy to be still and wait for God.
It's NOT easy to admit when I'm wrong and to face my weaknesses.
It's NOT easy to face the reality that God's plan is not only different from, but better than my own.

But it's ALWAYS good and, if the desire of my heart is truly to please Him and to become more like Him every day, then it's WORTH IT!

And it's not going to happen because of my goals or my determination to succeed, but only as I humble myself before my LORD and allow Him to continue the process of refining me. And when my life brings forth fruit, ALL the praise and honour goes to Him.

Just As He Wants It To Be...

A little more than a week ago, as I prepared for ministering alongside a short-term missions team, these words from Joni Eareckson Tada were EXACTLY what I needed to hear:

"But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be."  ~ 1 Corinthians 12:18

"Just" means exactly or specifically. God has a unique role for me -- and for you, too. You're living where you are, doing what you're doing, and surrounded by the people with whom you live and work because you are the only one who can fit that niche. God has carved it out just for you. In fact, 1 Cor. 12:18 is like Goldilocks and the Three Bears. When it comes to your place in the kingdom, things aren't too hot or too cold, too soft or hard, too big or small. God's got it "just right." You can't miss God's will for you (unless you're off on some sinful path). You are smack in the middle of it. So open your eyes. This is where and how you fit. Now, how are you going to let that piece of information infiltrate your actions and thoughts today? What does that mean regarding the "mundane" aspects of your life?

I knew in my head that God had a particular reason for bringing me to this place and that as long as I fully trusted Him that He would accomplish what He desired in and through me, but getting that realization to be rooted in my heart so that it affected my thoughts and actions ... that was a little more challenging.

You see, I still struggle with expectations (and probably will for the remainder of the time I live on planet earth) of myself and of how things should be in certain situations, and although I really do have a heart for people, when I think about ministry, I often think about what I should be "doing."

The team from North Carolina was comprised of 18 people, and when Adam informed us of this, my first thought was, "Well, is there anything I will actually be able to do?" I envisioned myself tagging along and feeling a little like a fifth-wheel as the team had a great missions experience and interacted with the kids and the Rays of Love team.

I should NOT have worried AT ALL! Although I am still in the process of getting to know the Ukrainian missionary team, God has brought us together and He has a plan for every single one of us, with our unique strengths and weaknesses. It was not long before I realized that everything was working out JUST EXACTLY the way God planned and wanted it to be!!

Not only did I have a wonderful time interacting with and getting to know the team from N.C., but I also felt very much a part of the Ukrainian team, which was important for me as I transition into working with them full-time. And it became VERY obvious to me that God had specific people for me to interact with and minister to during that time -- NOT so that I could feel important or competent, but so that I would get a glimpse of how He is at work here and would be able to share that with others!

THE GOOD AND THE BEST

As part of my devotional time each day, I read a portion from "MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST" by Oswald Chambers. Today's devotional spoke directly to my heart as this is exactly what God has been teaching me over the past months...

As soon as you begin to live the life of faith in God, fascinating and physically gratifying possibilities will open up before you...God sometimes allows you to get into a place of testing where your own welfare would be the appropriate thing to consider, if you were not living the life of faith. But if you are, you will joyfully waive your right and allow God to make your choice for you. This is the discipline God uses to transform the natural into the spiritual through obedience to His voice. Whenever our right becomes the guiding factor of our lives, it dulls our spiritual insight. The greatest enemy of the life of faith is not sin, but good choices which are not quite good enough [not what God wants for us]...Many of us do not grow spiritually because we prefer to choose on the basis of our rights...we have to learn to walk according to the standard which has its eyes focused on God. And God says to us, as He did to Abram, "...walk before Me..." (Genesis 17:1)

As I was sharing with some other friends this week, this is what God revealed to me last summer as I was trying to decide where God was leading. I should know by now that it's not up to me to decide, but I am still learning this lesson. And I have discovered the wondrous joy of giving up my rights and allowing God to choose where I should go -- there is a supernatural peace that fills the soul and the heart when I am following God's leading and when I know that it is the best purpose for me that He is working out in my life.

Lord, please help me to remember that what I think is good may not be the best, or what You desire for me. I want to walk before You with my eyes focused on You and Your faithfulness, and I thank You for the promise that if I will give up my "rights" that You will guide me in the way that You know is best for me.

YOUR WILL, NOT MINE

As Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, "yet not my will, but yours be done." This is to be our declaration if we confess that Jesus Christ is Lord of our lives, but it's easier to say than to actually let go of the control we want to have over our choices.

A short while ago, when I returned to Canada from Ukraine, as I prayed about my future, I made a tentative decision based on what I had seen and experienced and what I thought was best for my future. For a couple of days, it seemed that I had made a wise choice, but then God began to challenge me in my spirit.

My pastor spoke that Sunday about surrendering control of our lives to God and he asked a pointed question: How stubbornly determined are we to live our lives the way we want to?

I had no rest in my spirit for several days as I wrestled with the possibility that I had allowed my will, my desires, my thoughts about what was best for me overrule what God wanted to do in and through my life.

I picked up a devotional book on July 9th and it was a devotional on John 7:17 which was exactly what I needed to hear...
To those who say they want to believe but can't, to the Christian who hesitates to launch out in full dependence on the promise of Christ, it offers an experiment. Reduced to its simplest terms that experiment amounts to this: Submit your will to God and you will know. Just as surely as it is impossible for God to lie, so everyone who honestly says to God, "I will do Thy will," will know whether the Lord Jesus spoke divine truth or only a human word. In light of this, it is the unsurrendered will that keeps men from knowing the Lord Jesus Christ. No man can hold full title to his own will and at the same time really know God. Nor can a Christian hold partial title to his own will and realize to the full what God can do in his life.

That night, amid many tears, I confessed my stubbornness and desire for what I wanted my life and ministry to be and surrendered it to God, asking Him to lead me in His plans for me. I had immediate peace and release from the struggle I had been feeling in my spirit all week.

I do not claim to know yet where exactly God is leading me in ministry, but I DO know this: as long as I do not allow my desires, plans, hopes, etc. to take precedence in my thoughts and prayers, and as long as I truly listen for God's voice, I will know what He wants me to do. And that has brought me the peace I sought.