YOUR WILL, NOT MINE

As Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, "yet not my will, but yours be done." This is to be our declaration if we confess that Jesus Christ is Lord of our lives, but it's easier to say than to actually let go of the control we want to have over our choices.

A short while ago, when I returned to Canada from Ukraine, as I prayed about my future, I made a tentative decision based on what I had seen and experienced and what I thought was best for my future. For a couple of days, it seemed that I had made a wise choice, but then God began to challenge me in my spirit.

My pastor spoke that Sunday about surrendering control of our lives to God and he asked a pointed question: How stubbornly determined are we to live our lives the way we want to?

I had no rest in my spirit for several days as I wrestled with the possibility that I had allowed my will, my desires, my thoughts about what was best for me overrule what God wanted to do in and through my life.

I picked up a devotional book on July 9th and it was a devotional on John 7:17 which was exactly what I needed to hear...
To those who say they want to believe but can't, to the Christian who hesitates to launch out in full dependence on the promise of Christ, it offers an experiment. Reduced to its simplest terms that experiment amounts to this: Submit your will to God and you will know. Just as surely as it is impossible for God to lie, so everyone who honestly says to God, "I will do Thy will," will know whether the Lord Jesus spoke divine truth or only a human word. In light of this, it is the unsurrendered will that keeps men from knowing the Lord Jesus Christ. No man can hold full title to his own will and at the same time really know God. Nor can a Christian hold partial title to his own will and realize to the full what God can do in his life.

That night, amid many tears, I confessed my stubbornness and desire for what I wanted my life and ministry to be and surrendered it to God, asking Him to lead me in His plans for me. I had immediate peace and release from the struggle I had been feeling in my spirit all week.

I do not claim to know yet where exactly God is leading me in ministry, but I DO know this: as long as I do not allow my desires, plans, hopes, etc. to take precedence in my thoughts and prayers, and as long as I truly listen for God's voice, I will know what He wants me to do. And that has brought me the peace I sought.