"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe."
I am so thankful that God has enlightened my spiritual eyes -- not only at the time when I acknowledged my need for salvation, but also in my journey of sanctification, to be made more and more like Jesus as I grow in my understanding of who God wants me to be.
I realized this anew during the past week and I would like to recount this for you -- to publicly acknowledge God's work in my life and to hopefully be an encouragement to someone else.
It was a Sunday afternoon and I had just had a slightly angry disagreement with someone who was close to me. I felt hurt and inside I wanted to demand an apology. The other person sat only a couple feet away from me, but looked away and did not say anything. I sat there in the silence, trying desperately to hold back the tears so that it would not be noticeable how upset I was. I tried to rationalize in my mind why it was unfair and why he needed to make it right with me, and it was quite some time before my mind and my heart were quieted and I could hear the voice of my Lord speaking to me.
The Lord revealed to me that it was my heart attitude that was all wrong. It was not my place to have such expectations of another person, and that really it was a small matter of disagreement -- nothing to cause such a rift over. I was convicted, and I quietly confessed my sin to the Lord and received sweet peace.
I realized that if I had spoken all the rash and angry words that I felt inside instead of holding my tongue, if I had demanded that he bow to my felt needs and expectations, and if I had not allowed myself to feel the pain of my self-centeredness and to learn to be quiet and still, I would have missed out on what God wanted to do in my heart.
I am thankful for the disagreement and the disappointment of not being in agreement with someone I love because it has taught me an even greater lesson -- that true love does not demand that another person live up to my expectations and respond the way I want them to, but accepts that person for who he/she is (1 Corinthians 13). Also, that I must be honest with myself and recognize that I sometimes have a selfish heart that needs to learn to submit and be molded by the One who loved me enough to die for me -- in the midst of my sin.
I am not perfect and I know that I will probably have to learn this lesson again, but for now I am thankful for the blessing to see God's hand at work in my life and for the reminder of His promise to faithfully complete the good work He started in me (Ephesians 1:6).
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